Forbidden dreams

Last night I had a dream I was not supposed to. There was no reason to have this dream. The was no premise for this dream to originate. There was no space in my life for this dream to be seen. And yet, it happened.

Upon waking up, I thought it was a sign of something changing. I looked around, didn't find any change I was looking for. Then I thought it was probably random chance that made me see this dream.

As I was about to move on with my life, I opened up an old conversation I sometimes read when I'm walking down this road again. And then I saw it. It was the date. The date was what triggered this dream. Like clockwork.

January 27, 2020

Nothing hurt the human soul more than a lack of communication, whether due to inflated egos or misunderstandings.

A year of anguish

This past year has been the worst of my life. I had to deal with things I didn't think I could. There were times I seriously thought about hurting myself. But when you've been through so much all your life, you inadvertently keep gathering strength. Every day of the past year was a struggle and I had to work very hard to get through. The thoughts and impulses I had to fight were tremendous. I took (and later stopped) pills that I was always so opposed too. I really did get a whole new outlook of a number of things in life.
All this time, I kept looking back at all the events in my life and reminded myself of how each one of them make me, me. All the people who meant something to me that I don't know anymore. I kept replaying the moments where I had choices that could have made it different for me. I'm not someone who regrets his decisions but I do tend to overthink. Regardless, I force myself to stop and remind myself, "This too, shall pass".
Nevertheless, not everything that happened this year was terrible. I did experience a Divine miracle, which is nice.

An ode told times

I miss doing this. This still feels like a diary I thought about writing as a child. When there aren't any ears you can trust, this corner feels like the only safe space. I don't remember what made me start this blog but I do feel like this outlet enables me to feel a little better. I don't know if anyone will ever read this blog again but this still feels like home to me. A window into my past. A reminder of the pain I've been through and survived.

January 30, 2016.

Lies hold you captive, truth sets you free.

Going invisible.

Today I removed all leads to this blog from my social media. Now nobody would see this unless they remember the address to my blog or are referred by me. I did this because I don't want everybody to read this. I don't want every stalker on my facebook to have access to my deepest thoughts and emotions. This should be for only those who really wish to know me; or have been trying to know me for quite some time.
Or perhaps for nobody but me.

This.

I just cannot stop watching this video. Adele just opens herself up and it's like you can see yourself in her eyes.